Are you kidding me?  Not only do we have to deal with the Jehovah’s Witnesses ringing out doorbells and the Mormons banging on our doors, now we’ve got yet another religious group going door-to-door?  Seriously? 

Here’s the scene: 

Saturday, around 11:30 a.m.  Al’s in the back yard stripping paint off of pieces of wood trim from his home office in preparation for my staining expertise, while the puppydog lounges in her sun spot in the living room and I’m flitting around the house doing some cleaning/straightening/laundry folding.  And since I haven’t left the house yet this morning, I’m not showered, nor am I dressed.  I’m wearing a long tank top that covers my ass…barely.  No bra.  Bed head.  Getting the picture.  Yeah, not pretty.  However, I’m being very productive, so I’m not going to stop while I’m on a roll. 

The dog starts barking.  I look up from folding a stack of Al’s t-shirts and see two gentlemen, probably in their late 40s-early 50s, heading up the front walk.  I quickly beat feet into the dining room so they will not be able to see me through the very large front windows.  The doorbell rings.  The dog flies from the front window to the front door, barking ferociously.  About 30 seconds after the doorbell rings, they bang loudly on the door.  The dog barks even more ferociously.

Finally, they leave.  I watch them out a side window as they head down the sidewalk and to the front door of the house next door, at which time I gently open the front door and retrieve the piece of paper they left in it. 

The piece of paper is approximately 5” x 6” and folded in half so it resembles an index card.  On the front, it says:

HEAVEN

or

HELL

?

WHICH FOR YOU ?

Yes, that’s the exact color scheme and capitalization.  I open it up to find about a dozen quotes from the Bible about sinning and being saved, but nothing about the group distributing the propaganda. 

I turn it over, expecting to see “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,” because Jehovah’s Witnesses would have left a copy of The Watchtower.  They’re professionals.  They have their own magazine.  

Nope.  There’s a new game in town.  Grace of Calvary Baptist Church is now running around proselytizing door-to-door. 

You know, I understand that it’s cheaper to get volunteers to walk all over the place and hand out this stuff than it is to do a mass mailing.  I get that.  Really.  But why can’t they just go from house to house leaving their little messages in people’s doors without having to talk to them/interrupt them/bug the shit out of them?  And, I might add, without driving their overprotective watchdogs batty.

I used to have a sign on my door about “no soliciting,” but I took it off the last time I washed windows.  I’m thinking instead of putting that sign back up on the door, I’ll have a nice, tasteful metal sign made and put it out by the sidewalk next to the walk up to the front door.  That way, I can save them the energy of coming up the front walk and porch steps.  Isn’t that considerate of me?  Here’s what it’ll say:

No Soliciting

No Proselytizing

No Kidding

June 6th, 2009 | Category: Gripes, Religion/Beliefs | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL