I’ve been tagged by the Inmate, and this is her reasoning for tagging me:  “I choose Emma because as a sassy, short, Italian, Jewish gal, this should be a hoot.”  I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to be flattered or insulted by that.  I’ll go with flattered…just because I don’t want to have to kick the Inmate’s ass.  See #53, below.

The Rules: You highlight the things you can do and you leave in normal type the things you can’t. And it’s a freakin’ free-for-all on snarky comments. Assign 2 other poor bastards to the task and the electronic equivalent of chain letters is complete. The only thing to do is to sit back and wait for my millions to be mailed to me.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (although I don’t because I don’t like touching raw meat)
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.  (I’ve never done it, but I bet I could do it.)
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (does grain punch count?)
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. (I dated a Scandinavian eons ago)
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.  (Not saying I couldn’t do it…I’ve just never tried)
27. Play gin with an old guy. (my father counts, right?)
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest. (on a daily freakin’ basis)
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound. (my own…I’m a klutz)
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once) (again, not saying I couldn’t change oil…just never tried)
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. (as long as I have instructions, probably)
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman’s dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.  (There once was a man from Nantucket…)
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. (welcome to my life)
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. (physically, no I never have…never had mine kicked, either)
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (Charmin)
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve.
65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap.
66. Throw a football with a tight spiral.
67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. (please refer to Inmate’s description of my physicality)
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman’s neck. (I could do it…but I have absolutely no desire to do it)
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

And now I’m supposed to tag two people.  I’m going to tag one woman and one man (since this meme was originally meant for men:

So…Delmer of What’s a Delmer Look Like and Andrea of Fretting the Small Stuff.

May 23rd, 2008 | Category: Blogging/Bloggers, Humor | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL