I was going to post a comment to my Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy post this morning adding that I think part of the problem might have something to do with The Martyr Factor.  My theory was going to be that women insist on doing everything themselves not just because they don’t like the way their spouses perform certain tasks, but because they’re martyrs.  They want to be able to bitch about how overworked and underappreciated they are…how they do absolutely everything of importance…and how the whole world would probably stop rotating on it axis if it weren’t for them doing all the housework and taking care of their kids. 

And here it is, in Time.  I have to hand it to this woman, though.  At least she admits it.

Admittedly, part of this dynamic is my fault. I should delegate more; but even that seems like one more time-consuming task that would undoubtedly require follow-up nagging. Besides, taking on more than I can handle somehow validates that I’m a good mom and makes up for all that time I spend at work away from my son. The other reason for taking on so much? I fear that if I left 50 percent of everything up to Raj, our son would be eating Popsicles and Cheez-Its for breakfast and showing up at school an hour late wearing his ripped dinosaur pajamas. It’s unfair, because nothing horrible has ever really happened when I’ve left them alone (aside from a few weekend marathons in front of the TV), but it’s clear from talking to female friends and co-workers that I’m not the only one who suffers these ungrounded yet disturbing visions.

But here’s what I don’t understand.  Why would you have a child with someone you don’t trust to care for said child?  This woman says, while she admits her fear is not based in past experiences, she simply doesn’t trust her husband to take care of her child.  Wow.  It baffles me that she would (a) partner with someone she doesn’t completely trust and (b) have a child with that person.  What was she thinking?  And she claims other women don’t trust their spouses.  Egad!

Additionally, the line about how she “should delegate more” bothers me, too.  The term “delegate” sounds like she’s talking about a subordinate.  People “delegate” to underlings at work and parents delegate chores to their children at home.  Shouldn’t childcare responsibilities be discussed between the child’s parents/guardians rather than delegated by one to the other?  And shouldn’t these discussions occur before the child arrives, not after?

Al and I are adults.  We have adult discussions.  I don’t delegate jack shit to Al, nor does he delegate to me.  Although we don’t have children (and if I don’t want children, I’m sure as hell not going to treat Al like one, which is what it sounds like many women do with their husbands – delegating and nagging), we do, however, have a dog.  And we’ve pretty much split the canine care duties equally.  We both attended obedience school with her.  We both attend her vet appointments.  We both know what to feed her, when to feed her, and how much to feed her.  We both know what she’s not allowed to have (chocolate, grapes, onions, etc.).  We both know her poop schedule.  And we both walk her.  Now, if we can do that with a dog, why can’t parents do that with their kids? 

October 1st, 2007 | Category: Childfree, Dog, Gripes | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL